Bleeding out our Reflections

THERE IS NO ONE TO WATCH ME IN MY UGLY ECSTASY. MY TEARS DISTORT MY FACE BUT SOMEWHERE MY HEART REVELS. NO OTHER EYES BUT MY INNER VISION SEE MY GRIMACE HEAL THE WORLD. WHEN I FEEL THIS PAIN OF THE WORLD, I KNOW I AM STRONG. But I cry for those times I cannot take on others. I cry for those times when I cannot look at others. And myself. I cry for my thoughts. I cry when I want to hurt people who are tender. Anger cannot face beauty, it does not even know how to begin, but knows it is less powerful and so it wants to destroy it. I cry for the power I can wield, I cry too for my ineptitude, my impotency, my apathy, my forgetfulness.

THUS: LET ME not confuse anger with resolve. LET ME pray my art will add to life and not separate me from it. LET MY meditation add to life and not separate me from it. I pray my solitude will add to life and not separate me from it. I am oneof those who years to bury himself. But when I do, let it be cultivating the soil and not mere starvation. I am one of those who yearns to reach inside to that place where consciousness is a fountain bubble, one moment away from death, but with all the potential of eternity. It will require a glimpse into the infinite multitudinous chaos of unconsciousness and death (spend more than a glance and you will be consumed). How can simple life live in the face of this rotten complexity? But I shall be an old God, placing my faith in the child of life, the precarious, precious, glorious, newborn.

My body will disentegrate, will transform, will ooze… but my inner vision must be unwavering, always fixated upon its goal. When I am under that coma, I need you to hold my hand at my bedside. What is heroism without a lover’s touch? Death will touche me and will all but kill me. I can’t be with you right now, but please understand this is only so I can LOVE YOU MORE. Life is insane I know, life brings us to the hardest of places. Sometimes I hate the choices I have to make, but they are only so I can love you more. I have so much to get rid of, this cleansing is painful, but it is so I can love with you more. Pain is death lest I take it on as the pain of all beings. I feel so much pain, but my salvation is that I have somewhere to put it.

When I embrace winter please understand it is only to allow the spring her dawning. When I embrace spring let me not be creating winter in other places. Please do not let my beauty become a caged bird.

Ahhhh…… humanity. LOVE.

Evolution left us with an unsurpassed emotional spiritual sense that we don’t always know what to do with. Humans are spiritual beings who share practically the same consciousness, though we live as individuals, each with our own subjectivity. We are higher beings with real struggles. It is through this that we are trying to understand each other, trying to find peace within ourselves and with each other. We are so complex, and we sit with others as we try to figure out our mutual complexity. What makes you tick I ask, while I’m trying to figure out what makes I tick. We live all of us planted on this same Earth, going through what we go through, checking with others, comparing notes on the experience of consciousness. Maybe the two of us can make some since of it, perhaps there’s the hope that there’s something or somebody who understands and who will help us understand ourselves. We size up each other we position each other we check each other out, we make love to each other, and we realize share the same wishes to live, laugh, and love. We face each one another at the forefront of the unknown….. we don’t know much else, but we know that we need each other.