moving on.
now despite the intricacies of dealing with one’s own feelings and misshapen goals i think it makes sense that people move on and survive. When i greet my friend Tri I usually ask him “how are you?” and his consistently inevitable answer is “Still alive”.
Lately, I’ve been amiss a sea of complications. Something that can only help me become stronger, of course. For example, Vietnamese roads, Vietnamese bureaucracy, Vietnamese people and Vietnamese food. All of which, are certainly cause for tension of some kind. If you were here, and an American, and perceptive, you would really GET what I mean when I say tension.
Despite this, and other setbacks, nuances, etc. etc. etc. I have made myself into a bit of an ambitious fellow. What does that mean? Here’s a list.
1. The former rector (chancellor) of the university and I are currently in the process of inviting the American ambassador to Viet Nam to our university. The ambassador, whom I met and have his business card, has expressed his interest in helping Vietnamese education. Unfortunately, that may manifest in him supporting the already terrible brain drain on Vietnamese itellectuals who are moving outside of the country for work. And/or American companies coming in, training and hiring all the best people thereby shifting the tide of Vietnamese education in favor of major multi-national multi-million dollar corporations who do not really have an interest in Vietnamese people’s education level getting better.
2. Turning Vietnamese people into Digital Natives – The advantage that Americans seem to have now over much of the world is not limited to economic superiority but also includes their headstart on Information Technology. As the main pioneers of Information Technology, more of the populace is “tapped in” to the web in ways that people in Viet Nam have no idea of. I have been using computers for over ten years, and saw the birth of the internet as I grew up. I can still remember when AIM was just taking off. I remember when google didn’t exist. But my freshman students, who are about 19-20, have NEVER been exposed to the internet. In fact, they have only barely gotten to know Google. This means that the way they tap into knowledge is deeply and vastly different from the way I get my knowledge. I mean, I am surrounded by hundreds of books in my room. But I also, as Tim O’Reilly says, “know how to think about search, and know where to get the best information on the net”. O’Reilly says that the main thing about the digital divide is not just that some people can get their hands on a laptop or desktop and others can’t, but rather, the digital divide is about people who know how to navigate the net. So I’m working on crossing this crucial border. To me, the internet is a beautiful creation which benefits us in both scary and fascinating ways. But it’s better to be educated and fascinated than to be scared or shunning things we don’t know.
So I am in the process of getting an ever-other-week or monthly workshop going where I teach people how to use this stuff. I’m also selecting eager promising students who are willing to learn (kinda like a mentee thing).
3. Influencing pedagogy – Internet is deeply weaved into this for me. Check out “www.edtechlive.com”. How can we make students WANT to contribute their own thoughts? How do we make learning fun and interesting? How do we make things deep and light at the same time? How do we turn people into autodidacts? – These are questions I am pursueing and looking for solutions into.
4. Setting up Sustainability Forums – My friend Cathy and I have been in mid-conversation about how we can set-up a program here in AGU that educates and stimulates people to think and address environmentalism issues in viet nam. Green issues basically. In other words, I’m helping bring Santa Cruz here. Ha ha. I think we should just ship in a bunch of hippies and just let ‘em loose on campus and see what happens. (just make sure they patchouli and nag champa)
5. Generally taking more responsible responsibility and becoming a better more dynamic teacher – This should be self-explanatory. But it’s vague. I’ve opened my doors a lot more at my house and let in anybody who may want to. This has been fun, a great learning experience, draining and time consuming. I want to develop a closer relationship with my students. One thing I hate about having class sizes over ten is that I can’t generate as intimate an experience or conversation as I would like. It’s almost like in bigger groups people’s ideas go to the lowest common denominator. Maybe this is why I prefer being a professional conversationalist over a teaching professional. But, I’m integrating more elements of myself into the job, and adding new elements. Thus, dynamic.
6. Media (music and movies) – Of course, as some of you know, I’m a Religion and Visual Culture person (meaning I am deeply fascinated by art, philosophy and culture). So it makes sense that in meeting people who don’t know about certain arts and media, I love to introduce it to them. I am trying to find more and more ways to share tv shows, movies and music with my students. Now that I think back. I wish that I had saved all my music back in the day. It would have been really useful today. No regrets though. It was good to throw things away. But now, I am in the job of sharing things away. Which, I have found, to be much more rewarding although much more risky. Risky?! yes, risky. Vietnamese people come from a different cultural background and media exposure. On top of that, they’re not as exposed to large amounts of different kinds of cultures like californians are. So…their capacity to understand a movie like Amelie or Crash is really different. I’m rarely ever sure if a Vietnamese person will enjoy a movie or not. I’m always biting my figures in anticipation for their review. But when I hear that they like it. I feel a little better. Now, if only they’d start talking about the main ideas in these movies on their own, and asking me sincere questions about the meaning and how it could change the way the live and look at life, then I’d experience an utterly different kind of joy.
More..later…
explosions in the sky?
it looks like i’m bankrupt again. totally paid out. the rushing storm ain’t much for salvation, in fact, there’s lots to say, but no one’s going to say it, and least of all me. if this were really all about dialogues and changing rooms i’d just as well check out but I guess when I come back I sit back and know that it ain’t despite my inkling for a nice calming cigarette. I think I might just go grab one because i’m doing for time sake time scale eternity lost. i’m fighting back with something i’m sure and as I see those beautiful parts of me erode in the night and in the day sometimes I just sulk myself into the next episode and other times I take it right on hoping that will do something and yet I still, here, now, in my most eternal moment of writing feel utmost removed, bereft, and somehow purposeless amidst that great need for purpose and that obvious requirement for purpose in this crying-out-world. And yet ten years after, I’m still dealing with the same set of emotions or at least, a shade of them. I see things differently but they all seem to smell the same. My 23-year-old body odor has yet to leave me. Has not left me.
The same beautiful songs move me, and the same shakes in the ass seem to woo me. Am I a bundle ‘o habits like they say? Just shifting along in the winds. I tried about a million things to see the change and yet I glimpse the same kinda waves in the seasons and years. So what do I do to break up the cosmic monotony? I’m never quite sure. Sometimes it just breaks up on its own and I float back into some kind of new apathy. I mean, at least I’m willing to admit that I have a deep sense of apathy. Some people, mostly those who are most active, refuse to admit such a thing because apathy is the thing they’re set against to destroy in their lives without knowing that apathy itself is an essence of themselves they were more so meant to pick apart and dive deep into. I can’t explain it really. I suppose this kind of talk is utterly un-useful. None of my students would appreciate it. I mean, they need heroes. Nobody’s got heroes these days. But I can’t be a hero, I can only advertise them at best, or show them things that’ll make them want to be heroes. Anyways. This is enough for now. It’s time for a coffee and a cigarette.
